Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
– Buddha
Whether we are holding on to pain or a grudge against someone, all it does is – add extra weight on us, and we carry it with us all the time, everywhere. Is there any good in it? No, because that extra weight blocks our present happiness. Sometimes the happiness is right in front of us but we are so focused on our past that we fail to see it. Holding on to unwanted past, blocks the wanted present from reaching us. To hold something new, you have to let go of what you have in your hand.
It’s like being a prisoner in our own minds. A prison constructed by walls of thoughts where you are holding yourself hostage, only to have negative mental health effects.
Each day, instead of breaking those walls of thoughts, you keep adding more bricks, creating an even higher wall.
Why do We Hold on to Past, While Aware that it Does No Good?
In our subconscious mind, we are aware that holding on to past, is a big hindrance for our personal and sometimes social growth, yet we cling on to the past. Why do we do this?
Time and again we experience emotional pain or grief that becomes part of our lives without us even realizing so. Sometimes we hold on to past like it is our lifejacket in a rough sea of our emotions. It becomes our conscious choice then. It becomes our personality.
We are afraid of the unknown that future holds for us. Living with the past gives us a sense of being in the company of someone or something. We can’t imagine our lives without that pain. We start believing that this pain protects us from getting hurt in the future. Sometimes it makes us stand out in the crowd and we get special treatment for it and we get used to this treatment.
How to Let Go of the Past?
We have tried hard, we have tried time and again but we have failed miserably in letting go of whatever we are holding on to. Here are some of the tips to let go of the past.
Shift the focus to accept what it is
Before we take a step to let go, we need to first accept that we are indeed feeling guilty, shameful, sad, or egoistic. If we want to let go of a grudge against someone, we need to accept that we are holding that grudge against someone. By doing this, we are actually accepting that someone did something wrong to us, and because of that we are holding that grudge. We will accept the fact that he will never apologize for his actions. By agreeing with our negative thoughts, we end the war between us and them. This way there is no argument left in our mind and they lose their power over us.
Create a positive affirmation to kill the negative thoughts
Now that we have accepted our negative thoughts or feelings, we need to take the next step by having a good conversation with ourselves and creating a positive slogan to kill the negative thoughts. Instead of saying “I am devastated because he cheated on me”, try saying “I am happy because I found a better path in life”, or “I am lucky to have left a toxic relationship”. We need to keep repeating such positive conversations in our minds and create slogans like “I can do it!”, “I will be successful”. This will keep boosting our morale.
Focus on inviting positive mental health effects into life
Next we need to visualize ourselves being happy and content with our lives. We need to visualize a good future that we always wanted, but holding on to past always blocked us from viewing it. We need to use the power of thoughts and affirmations to achieve what we want. We need to see the world from another perspective, a happy perspective.
Practice meditation and mindfulness techniques to achieve serenity of mind
Once we have started following the abovementioned points, we will already start seeing a difference in our lives. Adding a practice of meditation and mindfulness to it, will give serenity to our minds and give positive mental health effects. Meditation and mindfulness lets us be present with our minds and living in that very moment, being content, focused and happy in the present.
Participate in self care
When we are grieving or holding a grudge for a long time, we never focus on caring for ourselves. This is the right time we start doing it. Now is the time to do all the activities that can give us joy and relaxation. These activities could be following a healthy diet, proper sleep schedule or regular exercise.
Be in the company of supportive friends and family
We can always trust our supportive friends and family members when we are filled with emotions. Sharing our thoughts with them and listening to their insights on it will give us a sense of relief. Whether they lovingly scold us for our actions, or give us advice on positive mental health effects, it will be a good self-growth environment for us. In the back of our minds, we will reaffirm that despite our negative situation, someone really does care for us, hence acquiring positive mental health effects.
The past can really hurt and letting go of it can be a difficult task. Making a conscious resolution to control it, is very vital for having good mental health effects. Initially taking small steps, it will take some time and practice, but ultimately we will move on and reach the goal of having a very peaceful, satisfied and happy mind.
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